SANFORD FAMILY

So the past month my life has literally felt like it has been a dream. My heart aches. My thoughts are so random and not sure that they really make any sense. My mom has been battling metastatic breast cancer for 9 years.
Mom had not been feeling well for a couple of weeks, my brother came down from Oregon to help with mom. We met him in Ontario and stopped at Taco Bell for some lunch, mom could barely walk into Taco Bell. So we had lunch and headed for my house. My mom stayed at my house and Randy watched her so that my brother and I could go grocery shopping for mom, Greg was able to stay for about a week to help out. With numerous calls to my brother and numerous calls to my aunt to tell them that mom just was not doing well I that it was hard to explain, my heart ached to know what to do for mom. I had even made numerous after annoying phone call to the Dr. that never called back and a nurse who would call back but not give me any real information( yes I was on the privacy list so that the Dr. could tell me what was going on) 2 weeks later a nurse on call had called me (one we have known for years) and said why don't you up your moms pain med, after explaining that we had already done that and it was like we hadn't given her any she insisted that we try to get her down to the Dr. ASAP. So my step-sister and I got her in the car and took her to St. Als. we got her there and my step dad met us down there. The doc on call came in and looked mom over and in so many medical terms, I figured out that the worst was happening.How fast I wasn't' sure. He gave her some morphine, and told us to come back the next day for a CT scan and a Bone scan we had to be there at 8am. We got her down there and she could barely walk, we got a wheel chair and she didn't say a word she got right in, Those of you who know my mom she would protest with all her might if she wasn't in pain. She was so sick we had to find her a bed to lay in in between tests as she couldn't sit up. We got a call on Thursday to say that she needed to come in for a treatment because her calcium level was so high that if we didn't treat it, her kidneys would start failing quickly.During her treatment she layed curled up in the chair like an innocent child and said, Shelly, I just feel different I can't explain how I feel, it's just different. She went in and knowing what I know now, that bought her a couple of days to live. Then Friday......the 15th of January the dreaded phone call from our nurse who we have trusted for about 15 years called me.... Shelly she said..... I don't have good news..... the cancer has exploded... it is in her liver, lungs, brain, her body is covered in it.....my question to her was how long? She told me that she had maybe 2weeks. This same day mom had been in and out of consciousness all day and when she was most alert, we gave her the news, she didn't take it very well, but really would any of us? We just don't know until we are faced with it. She died January 20th,2010. As I sat next to her and listen to her heart get slower and slower and her body turn cold, it was heart wrenching. But at the same time it was so wonderful and peaceful. I do think that she finally came to terms with what was happening and she was at peace. That whole week as I lay with her in her bed off and on I will never forget the love and time we have shared. The times she spent with my kids and the memories that we shared.
We never know how close we are, and we should live everyday like it was our last day. I spent some of today reading her journal which wasn't much, because she wasn't much of a writer and learned some things about my dad who died when I was a junior in high school. I cried my eyes out but at the same time it was comforting. She fought till the very end. I love you mom!I know that you and dad will be waiting for me and my family.